Planning your solo retirement after a loss or divorce
You might not have ever envisioned spending your retirement as a single person — here’s how to plan with your new status in mind
All your working years, you pictured retirement as a time of bliss when you would finally have enough time to spend with your loved ones.
Yes, you would finally be able to visit family and friends and go to holiday destinations that you have always dreamed of visiting — especially the romantic ones.
But somewhere along the way, life happened – and now you are dreading retiring alone.
Now, after years of living in chaos with a houseful of noisy children, a drama-filled marriage or a full-time demanding job or business, spending the rest of your life in solitude might sound synonymous with peace and quiet.
However, this might only be what it seems when you’re looking in from the outside. After a few years of having tasted life in an empty nest, living alone for the rest of your life might be the last thing you want.
And apart from loneliness, there are additional pressures that you’d have to endure from being single in your advanced years. For one, you might experience financial insecurities with no one to support you in any income-generating activities.
Here are a few tips you can follow to help ease the anxiety that comes with retiring alone.
- Accept your status and plan accordingly
The sooner you accept that you might be alone in your later years, the easier it will be to plan. It’s easy to imagine that some knight in shining armour or gorgeous granny will come rescue you from solitude just as retirement starts to emerge around the bend. But the truth is, the dynamics of relationships don’t change simply because you are older. There will be breakups and heartbreaks — just like when you were in your teens or 20s. Yes, you might get lucky and meet the love of your life but chances are, you will be single for the rest of your life
- Craft your unique retirement vision
Think about what a fulfilling and joyful life looks like for you. Perhaps your goal is to live in a cozy bungalow or cottage in the countryside or finally settling in your dream home near the city buzz. Your dream could include immersing yourself in hobbies you never had time for— gardening, painting, writing that book, or even learning a new skill like photography or a foreign language.
Rather than seeing retirement as something to be endured alone, reimagine it as a chapter of self-discovery and adventure, filled with purpose and excitement.
- Build a strong social network
One of the biggest fears of retiring alone is loneliness, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Start nurturing friendships now—both old and new. Reconnect with friends you lost touch with over the years and put yourself out there to meet like-minded people.
Join social clubs, travel groups, or volunteer for a cause you believe in. If faith is an important part of your life, consider getting involved in your church or spiritual community. And don’t shy away from online platforms—there are great forums and groups where people in similar situations share experiences, offer support, and even plan meetups.
The key is to cultivate relationships that enrich your life, so you have a strong support system when you need it most.
- Secure your financial future
Without a partner to split expenses, financial planning becomes even more crucial. Assess your savings, pension, investments, and any potential income sources to ensure you can sustain yourself comfortably.
While you’re still working, consider the possibility that you might have to extend your career a little longer or set up a business. Not only will this add to your financial cushion, but it will also give you structure and social engagement.
Consult a financial advisor to help you plan for expenses like healthcare, housing, and long-term care. The goal is to have financial peace of mind so that money worries don’t overshadow your golden years.
- Prioritize your health and well-being
Being single in retirement means you’ll need to be extra proactive about your health. Regular check-ups, a balanced diet, and staying active should be non-negotiable. Whether it’s joining a gym, taking up a physically demanding hobby like gardening or walking daily, keeping fit will ensure you enjoy your retirement to the fullest.
Mental and emotional well-being matter just as much. Engage in activities that stimulate your mind—read books, do puzzles, take online courses, or start a blog. And don’t hesitate to seek therapy or counseling if feelings of loneliness or anxiety become overwhelming.
- Explore alternative living arrangements
Living alone doesn’t mean you have to be lonely. Co-housing with other seniors, joining senior communities, or even shared living arrangements with friends or relatives could be options worth exploring.
If you prefer independence but still want some level of companionship, consider renting out part of your home or finding a housemate. Many retirees also choose to live near their adult children (without necessarily moving in with them) so they can maintain close relationships while still having their own space.
- Embrace the adventure of solo living
Retiring alone doesn’t mean life stops—it means you get to live on your own terms. Travel solo or with a group, take yourself out for dinners, and celebrate every milestone with the enthusiasm you would have if you had a partner.
Your retirement story may not have started as planned, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be beautiful, fulfilling, and deeply rewarding. The key is to own your narrative, embrace your independence, and make this next chapter the best one yet.
After all, the best company you can ever have is yourself.
How to Confirm You’re Officially in the Menopause Club
Suspect ‘the big M’ but want official confirmation? Here’s how to know for sure
✔️ Track your periods – If you haven’t had a period for 12 months straight, congratulations (or condolences?), you are officially in menopause.
✔️ Check with your doctor – Blood tests measuring hormones like FSH (follicle-stimulating hormone) and estrogen levels can help confirm what your body is up to.
✔️ Assess your symptoms – If your body is throwing all the classic menopause signs your way, it’s probably the real deal.
Menopause on the Way? Signs, Confirmation, and Survival Tips
One day, you’re living your best life, effortlessly slaying, and the next, you’re wondering why you’re sweating like you just ran a marathon… while sitting still. Welcome to the rollercoaster called menopause!
If you suspect menopause is creeping up on you like a nosy neighbour, don’t worry—I got you. Let’s break it down:
Signs You Might Be Entering the Menopausal Zone
So how do you know if menopause is knocking on your door? Here are some of the telltale signs:
1. Hot Flashes That Feel Like You’re Being Slow-Roasted
You’re minding your business, then boom! You feel like you’ve been thrown into an oven preheated to 220°C. These sudden heat waves can strike at any time—during meetings, in the middle of a romantic dinner, or at 3 a.m. when you’re trying to sleep.
2. Your Mood Swings Have Mood Swings
One minute you’re laughing at a cat video, the next you’re sobbing because your coffee got cold. Hormonal changes can turn you into an emotional rollercoaster, so if you find yourself crying over spilled milk (literally), blame estrogen—or lack thereof.
You see, estrogen is like that one reliable friend who keeps everything in check—your mood, your skin, your metabolism, and even your ability to remember where you left your car keys. But when menopause hits, estrogen decides to ghost you, leaving chaos in its wake. With less of it around, your body throws tantrums in the form of hot flashes, mood swings, weight gain, and even forgetfulness. Estrogen is the glue holding it all together, and when it starts packing its bags, you’re left dealing with the ultimate hormonal breakup.
3. Your Periods Are Playing Hide and Seek
One month your period is fashionably late, the next it’s early, and then it disappears for months only to return when you least expect it—like during vacation. Irregular periods are a major clue that menopause is in the building.
4. You Suddenly Become Best Friends with Your Fan
Ceiling fans, desk fans, handheld fans—you now have a collection. If your air-conditioning bill has doubled, welcome to the club!
5. Sleep? Never Heard of It
If you’re tossing and turning all night, waking up drenched in sweat, or having the weirdest dreams ever, your hormones are likely the culprits.
6. Your Metabolism Has Slowed Down (Rude!)
Your favourite jeans suddenly feel snug, and your body seems to be hoarding fat like it’s preparing for a famine. Sadly, weight gain around the belly is common during menopause. Time to reconsider that second slice of cake (or not—your choice!).
7. Brain Fog: Where Did I Put My… Oh, Never Mind
If you walk into a room and immediately forget why you’re there, or you start calling your kids by the dog’s name, don’t panic. Menopause messes with memory and concentration, but you’re still sharp—just… selectively forgetful.
Are you over 40? Here’s why you need to start planning your retirement
In the midst of life’s numerous emergencies — from diapers to childcare to school routines — retirement planning sounds like something that belongs on the bottom of the “to-do” list.
Thinking about retirement when you’ve barely met your life goals can be daunting.
But then time doesn’t wait for anyone. As the unticked box moves further and further down the list of priorities, it moves closer and closer to the top of the list of urgent matters.
When it comes to ageing, the passage of time is like an oven that never goes off. If you don’t plan the exact time to take the bread out, you will find that the bread will sink after being taken out too soon. If you leave it in too long, the bread will get burnt.
All in the mind
But if and when someone should retire has been a source of controversy. Many retirees refuse to accept the term because it paints a dull picture of their lifestyle. “I’m retired, I’m not disabled.” or “retirement is all in the mind” are common “motivational” phrases that we hear.
But let’s look at what retirement really is. Investopedia defines it as the “time of life when one chooses to permanently leave the workforce behind.”
Timing is everything
It is not uncommon to find people who retired, got their retirement benefits, and are back in the industry or former workplace, working under contract or as consultants for another 10 years.
When you ask them, they’ll tell you that they are at the peak of their responsibilities. Their children might be joining high school and college. Or they have unpaid mortgages and other loan payments that will drag on for years into their retirement. They simply can’t afford to retire.
But this is often a symptom of the absence of planning or its poor quality — if there was any planning at all.
The thing is, planning retirement isn’t about just sitting down with a pen and paper, planning how much to put away, and projecting the numbers. It’s more than just budgeting and saving. That’s relatively simple enough, especially for employed people who are enrolled in government social security programmes and pension schemes.
Never too early to start
Whether or not you’ll enjoy your retirement boils down to some surprising things that you do even as early as your teens; family planning, home construction and improvement, lifestyle and health management, spirituality, and even entertainment choices.
It’s never too early to think about retirement. Just speak to a retiree and they’ll tell you why.
OMG, is the M-word happening to me?
It’s time for your period to check in and you’re feeling just as you would around this time of the month; a mix of surprise and regret about how quickly the month seems to have gone by, a little panic about your sanitary supplies and then some reassurance that you’re no adolescent and have got this covered.
Just a quick stop by the supermarket and you’ll grab a pack of pads or tampons (just in case you don’t have any more) and you’ll be all set. Besides, and besides, you always have one or two in your handbag that you rarely touch unless it’s an emergency.
But then your period is late (or did you forget to update your period calendar) and you start to second guess yourself. Are you pregnant? You laugh at the idea but then again it’s not so funny. Didn’t your friend Ciru have a baby the other day, shocking everyone who thought she was ‘done with ‘such things’?
Then, half-wishing away the possibility, you think about what else could be ‘wrong’. Menopause? Of course not. You’re not that old. Someone laughs and you jump and turn around at the audacity that somebody would laugh in your face. You realise that, of course, you didn’t say that out loud … and of course nobody can read your thoughts. It’s just your headphone-clad pre-teen last born son giggling away at the video he is watching.
Last born. You think hard about that word as you grab your lunch box and head out the door, saying goodbye to nobody as the zombie on the computer is hardly paying attention.
It would be kind of nice to have someone to cry for you when you leave, you think. But you banish that thought quickly when you think about episiotomies and poop-stained rompers.
As you go through the day, the menopause possibility starts to grow on you. What would life be like without a period? Would you miss it? Would you be happy without the cramping, bloating and diarrhea? Or would you be miserable as it would only confirm the one thing you have been afraid to accept — that you’re growing older.
So when you just can’t take it any more, you give in to the urge to visit your other best friend, the Internet.
“Menopause signs,” you type hurriedly. You smile when the search engine makes similar search suggestions. At least you know you’re not alone.
But the results are horrible. Well, perfect. There are so many results and you’re spoilt for choice on which one to click on first. But the list is too familiar for comfort; irregular periods, mood swings, dryness in your vagina, itching (yes, that itching) and just itching in general.
And then the ‘horror’ symptoms that you always heard your “old” aunties talk about… night sweats, hot flashes, chills and sleep problems. You remember wondering in your teens how anyone could ever run out of sleep. Now it’s happening – to you.
You think back to the last couple of months. Yes, the weight gain was there but you had attributed that to ten or so bags of crisps you had hoovered down over the past few months after giving in to those crazy salt cravings you had written off as PMS.
And you had always been a very angry, crazy and demanding woman — well at least at home where you were allowed to yell the house down when you found discarded (and disgusting) socks and shoes blocking the doorway when you got home.
So you call your friend, “Have I been crazy and unreasonable in the past few weeks?”
Her answer is a loud obnoxious laugh. She laughs so hard, you have to hold your phone away from your ears.
Then she stops just long enough to say, “are you Googling menopause again?”